Playa Del Carmen Day 3
I woke up at six. I’m not sure if or how much I slept. My alarm was set for an hour later so it wasn’t a big deal. In fact, being on vacation my sleep deprivation didn’t bother me as much as if I were back home, which is like being on vacation, too. I looked in the mirror and saw a lovely sunburn down my right side. It looked like someone spilled fruit punch on me. I planned two tours during my stay. Today I was taking an Edventure. It’s the third site down with the grammatically incorrect header. I chose it because the reviewers on tripadvisor.com gave it a rave review. I’m a big fan of trip advisor, but I learned that these reviewers must have an incredibly low threshold for pleasure.
I was being picked up at quarter to eight and needed some breakfast. There was a street vendor outside my hotel grilling up animal parts. I’d like to believe that I’m adventurous enough to eat chunks of food out of Andrew Zimmer’s turd, but it was far to early for entrails. I went to the market across the street and bought a couple of Golden Delicious, which were grown in the U.S. of A. I found that odd for some reason. Is it really cheaper to ship an apple from Washington than it is to grow one in Mexico? It was chilly outside, when the van arrived on time. I got in and was shocked by the maximum level of air conditioning. We picked up another couple at a far nicer hotel. It had the word “Royal” in it. Keith and Tammy were from Connecticut and a lovely couple. We headed down to Tulum but first stopped at the side of the road so we could be placed in another van, where there were two other couples inside. We arrived at the Edventure Headquarters which are inside the Tulum Ruins parking lot.
Ed introduced himself and asked the perfunctory questions on whether we were taking part in all the activities: ruins, zip line, etc. He got to the couple from Iowa who claimed they were only taking part in the Ruins. This was unheard of because the Tulum Ruins do not an Edventure make. Turns out the driver picked up the wrong couple. This morning was getting good. Ed began to get pissed at the driver who couldn’t speak English. Mind you, these drivers go into hotel lobbies where a couple dozen people can be waiting for a tour, without a sign declaring where they’re from or who they’re looking for. In any case, Ed shuttled us off to the ruins.
We passed through various storefronts selling the same crap and got on a trolley pulled by a tractor. It felt like a third world amusement park. My original plan was to hire a guide, but when I got there I didn’t feel like dropping fifty bucks. A good move. Keith, Tammy and I mooched off another tour whose guide nearly put me to sleep. I ventured off on my own. I learned today that they’re called ruins because they are ruined. I’m sure there’s a fascinating story behind these Mayan tenements, I just didn’t hear it. The Tulum Ruins are right on the crystal blue water which was spectaculor, but not knowing a thing about them, I was ready to move on. We headed back to HQ where we were fitted with fins, masks and snorkels. Now one of the things I read about on trip advisor was the great guides. We were tossed into a van with a driver, not a guide, with nary an idea of where we were going or what we were doing.
We eventually parked. I tried to converse with our driver about what we were doing. Alas, my Spanish was only good enough to tell him to go fuck his mother. Turns out we were at the zip line. We met our guide, Moses, who was really cool. Zip lining on the other hand was kinda lame. We did a short one, then a long one, then canoed back. We then walked to a pool which had a cliff dive. It was refreshing but the Edventure was looking more like an EdJerkOff. Our next stop was the Dos Ojos Cenote, an underground river. It was awesome. Snorkeling in an underwater cave with stalactites and stalagmites was beautiful. Swimming between rooms looked claustrophobic from above the water, but below it was massive. If you’re ever in the Riviera Maya, check out a cenote. It’s well worth it.
Our next stop was Akumal to check out sea turtles. We saw two and a sting ray. The turtles are pretty groovy. They’re actually quite graceful for a reptile melded with a rock. The sting ray was really creepy. He was eye fucking me so I swam off. I was tiring of the Edventure and thank god it was time for lunch. We ate at some place on the beach which was playing classic rock on XM. It was the same seven songs puncuated by American commercials. For a minute I forgot I was outside the country. I had tempura battered fish tacos, which were good, but the best part was the habanero salsa. I was told it was hot and dug right it. The first bite was numbing, the second merely scorched my mouth. I couldn’t stop eating it though. It was beautiful out and I didn’t care if my Edventure ended then, but there was one more stop.
Our last stop was Yal-Kul lagoon. It was our final snorkeling site. It was average. Unfortunately, I’ve snorkeled in Hawaii, where you can plunge in the ocean behind a Rally’s and see the most amazing fish ever. I was done. I felt kind of duped. Hey, at least it got me out of Playa and it made me appreciate Playa when I returned. After showering, my first stop was Two Dollar Drinks. Jango commented that I would find a place and do it to death. Hey, I’m a male Garber, it’s part of my DNA. Well, I found that place. It’s great for a couple of drinks. They’ve got beers, booze and a handful of mixers. I don’t know if they even have ice. But they do have a jukebox and four TVs. I watched Anaconda with Spanish subtitles. I dropped nine bucks on two beers and two tequilas. It was time for dinner.
I sought out Herencia de Buenos Aires, an Argentine pizza place. It wasn’t easy to find and I was the only customer. I had two empanadas, one beef, one with cheese and Spanish ham, both great. I ordered a pizza mozzarella, which lacked sauce. It did have good crust and an inordinate amount of cheese, but I could make bread and cheese in my hotel room. I explained to the chef about the lack of sauce in English and Spanish. I would go back but fear that my next pizza will have loogie sauce in it. So here I am, lying in bed exhausted but not tired. I think I may have to go out.
