Notes on a Cocktail Napkin

I’ve said it before. I’ll watch sports if they’re on, but won’t set an alarm or drive across town for any event that isn’t played more than every four years. I take that back. I did drive across town to watch the Super Bowl. But with the Super Bowl comes parties and with parties comes food and friends (the order isn’t important,) so to clarify: there must be some added value for me to hop in my Gayata in order to watch a sporting event.

Saturday was a great night, not as great as Friday. The hight point of the evening was when my friend’s Lou and Laura stopped by with their friend Deb or Deborah or Debbie. I believe it’s the latter two, but there is no other name which women are more adamant about. Some Deb’s believe that “Debbie” is a slutty name or “Deborah” is too uptight. In any case, it was great seeing them. The last time they came in, I wouldn’t let Lou drink alone, or with Laura or Amy or the other hundred and fifty people there. The night turned into a bit of a Patron shit show. This time Lou drank with those on the other side of the bar. It was great having them in. The low point was when I noticed there was a dry piece of skin in the upper right corner of my mouth. I nibbled on it for a while hoping it would go away. I woke up the next morning only to realize it was a cold sore. I never realized what a tasty snack Herpes Simplex One can be. I figured I’d quit smoking and get healthier. Instead, I just look like a leper. I guess a lot of people are getting sick. Some are bed ridden. All I have to do is apply Abreva for a few days and stay away from unclean women for a few hours. It could be worse.

I stopped by Pavilions to pick up coffee and Abreva. Since they closed the Starbucks on Lincoln and Montana, I can’t stop at a Starbucks between the one on 7th and Montana and the one at the Pavilions. I feel that human evolution has plateaued. What’s the point in living? I ordered an iced coffee, so I could cool off on this eighty degree winter morn. I saw the barista pour hot coffee over ice. Really? Really? Who are you trying to kid with that shit? I asked him, “Are you pouring hot coffee over ice?” He responded, “We don’t have any iced coffee made?” I’m just glad I don’t carry a gun. I expect this kind of service from Coffee, Bean, and Retard, but Starbucks?

I got to Megan and David’s early. We exchanged pleasantries, then I sat down on the couch with the NYT Sunday crossword. I’m a pretty low maintenance guest. As long as my water glass is filled and my adult diaper changed every few hours, I’ll just sit quietly on the couch. They had Chicago pizza flown in for the game. Although I’m not eating wheat, I have no problem consuming, cheese, sauce, and cured meat. I took a crap the second week of January, so fiber isn’t high on my list. It was delicious. It was great times hanging, but I had to get to work. By the way, I finished the Sunday NYT crossword and I have witnesses, Julie, that I never used the internet. Did you finish it, my little Daikon?

Good thing I barreled down Coldwater to get to work, since the bar wasn’t very busy. I was bummed that I worked Super Bowl last year, but it was a monster compared to this year. The upside was that it was an amazing game, probably the best Super Bowl ever. I thought Pittsburgh would crush Arizona. I was wrong. There was a post-Super Bowl party at Main scheduled for the night. I was a little concerned since the fliers had a picture of what looked like two vatos throwing up gang signs. I’m no marketing maven, but I would have had a picture of a chick with big tits over a couple of gang bangers, but what do I know. Turns out these two dudes blew it up. There was a big crowd for a Sunday. It was a little sausage heavy, which doesn’t seem out of place at O’ Brien’s, but watching a bunch of dudes stand around the dance floor while a handful of women danced, made me think of shark week for some reason. Do sharks rape chicks in that show?

Thank God for the party at Main. It turned an otherwise mediocre Sunday into a good one. I don’t know how other bars were for the game, but it seems that unless you were a Steelers or Cardinals bar, you had to give it away to draw a crowd. I figure next year, we should be the chameleon bar. Which ever teams make it to the Super Bowl, that’s the bar we are. I know it sounds insincere to say we’ve always been a Chargers/Giants bar, but who cares as long it brings a crowd for the Super Bowl.

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