Notes on a Cocktail Napkin

Tuxedo: $200 Cuff links: $40 Cracked screen on Palm Treo: $120 Photographed on the stripper pole looking like Jabba the Hut: Priceless

Driving back from Palm Springs on Friday, I wasn’t in the mood to work. Even though I had my usual two days off, some thing about it seemed much longer. Maybe it was consuming twice my body weight every four hours, but I was well rested. A couple of weeks ago, a customer said that [...]

I know people who play blackjack who say that when they lose three hands in a row, they get up and move to a new table. I saw five films Christmas week and didn’t like any of them. What option do I have? Do I start seeing plays? Watch more TV? The latter is definitely [...]

I’m a bit of a Grinch this time of year. I don’t know if it’s the rampant commercialism or the fact that Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” starts cranking through The Gap shortly after Labor Day, but the holidays can annoy me. With that said, there are things that I dig about the holidays. One of [...]

Although I maintain a regular, intense, and vigorous sex life, it usually doesn’t involve another person. I got tested for sexually transmitted disease a couple of years ago while on the UCLA campus. I was there and I figured it would give me a chance to masturbate in the middle of the day. They were [...]

Getting shut down was the best thing that ever happened to us. Back in August, when it happened, it seemed like the end of the world. The holiday party, which never would’ve happened if my former boss were still there, reaffirmed what has been an amazing four months. It was a celebration of all our [...]

I got to bed late and woke up early, not good. I was meeting a school chum for lunch at one and had a couple of hours to kill. I grabbed the Sunday New York Times crossword, my favorite part of the week. After looking it over for several minutes, I put it away just [...]

What a difference a day makes. After having a mediocre Friday night, Saturday turned out to be a monster. I’m not sure what got people so revved up to throw down, but as they say, “Tis the season to be jolly.” With twenty percent chance of rain in the forecast I was concerned to say [...]

It’s a word I heard quite a bit from my Irish friends when we played soccer. In most cases, someone would take a shot on goal and the ball would go anywhere from five to fifteen feet wide. Invariably, I would hear, “unlucky.” I guess that’s a far more polite way of saying, “Unskilled,” or [...]