Notes on a Cocktail Napkin

Since the gym has become a place where I occasionally park my car, I decided to become reacquainted with it. Back when I was working two days a week, I was there every morning. Now that I’ve become middle management, the lower end of the middle, I rarely seem to go. Lucky for me, I started smoking again. It speeds up my metabolism with the added benefit of hardening my arteries and blackening my lungs. Since my lungs have become a darker shade of tan, I’ve been afraid of cardio. I figured lifting for forty-five minutes was a decent enough work out. At least, I broke a sweat. Who am I kidding? I sweat like a pig just getting out of bed in the morning. After the gym, it was nap time.

If I don’t nap on Monday, I could win the lottery that night and still be pissed. Let’s say I wake up on Friday at eight ayem. I get to bed at fourish. Wake up at eleven and do it all over. By the time Monday comes, I’ve spent nearly half of the previous seventy-two hours at the bar. I guess there are far worse places to be, but sleep can be ever elusive. Prior to my nap, I got a call from my dear friend Julie. She told me that she and Mary (Yes, the same Mary who works hard so I can enjoy a steak the size of a toilet seat) wanted to get married before Proposition 8 can get passed. I don’t know who these Proposition 8 people are who want to protect the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. The same men and women who can’t get their shit together to make a marriage last but half the time. And why the fuck is it anyone’s business who gets married? If I want to marry my vaporizer, which by the way, we’re almost common law, I should have that right. I’m really proud that most of my friends’ marriages are great, but Julie and Mary have the best relationship of all my friends. You know what they fight about? Nothing. Except maybe who gets to sit next to yours truly on the couch. Personally, I feel that they’re too good for the institution of marriage that’s practiced in this country, but if this is what they want, then I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Plus, they’re getting married across the street from my apartment. Pretty sweet.

After spending a sluggish happy hour with Kimi and Shell, my friend, Nate came by. We had a drink and went to Baby Blues on Lincoln. Growing up in Los Angeles, barbecue is like pizza, since I’ve never been exposed to anything that rivals the south or New York, respectively, you could microwave a rib and rub a charcoal briquette on it and I’d be happy. Although some Texans have chided Baby Blues for being down home chic, others, from barbecue country, say that it’s great. I’ve found over the years that having low expectations, especially with food, can lead to a very happy life.

I got back to the bar and it was pretty slow. I went to the store to buy some smokes, sure beats working out, and ran into my friend Robin. She was hanging out with some ladies at Rick’s. Rick’s is a place that I pass by. I’ve only been in there a handful of times and maybe twice this year. It’s actually a good looking bar, but I’ve always gotten a strange vibe when I’m looking in. I was told that Rick’s is where O’ Brien’s customers who get 86’d go. At the bar with Robin were Annie, Tracy and Alana. I feel weird leaving my post when I’m managing, but I was only fifty feet away if they needed anything. I stayed for an hour. It was great chatting with the ladies. One of the cocktail servers, Joanna, asked if I was lost. I was just doing research.

Working in any industry, one has to do competitive research. Since I don’t drink like I used to, these field trips don’t come up as much. Now if I worked in a dispensary, I would love to do competitive research. What I learned from my extensive research Monday night is that even when we’re slow, we still do all right. I believe the key to our success is our patio and live music. Kevin, BROTHER, does an amazing job booking the bands. More importantly, he does a great job making sure the bands bring a crowd. That’s the key. If a band can bring thirty people on a Monday night, we’re thirty customers ahead of anyone on Main street. And the one constant in the bar business is that a busy bar attracts a crowd. Not bad results for having one Miller Lite at Rick’s. That’s what I call research.

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