Notes on a Cocktail Napkin

I didn’t expect to be outside O’ Brien’s today when the health inspector showed up. All I had planned today was a man date with Tim. After the gym, I figured I would kill time before Tim got up at the crack of noon, so I went to run a couple of errands. First stop was Venice Alternative Healing Collective. Daddy needed a new sack of weed. I know it’s for insomnia but sometimes I use it escape the reality that I may not be working on Friday. Can you blame me?

V.A.H.C. is the coolest place. Super nice guys work there and they’re always playing excellent music. I hooked up. Next stop, G.N.C., I needed to re-up on my protein powder. Man cannot live on fat and carbs alone, believe me, I‘ve tried. I got a text message from Kimi that the health department had not shown up for their 10 ayem appointment. Lucky for her, she was called in to work at 11. It was now 11:15. I called her to open the back door. She came out and I told her we were getting coffee. “Let me ask my Dad,” she said. “Bull shit!” I trailed behind her and told my boss, “Kimi and I are getting coffee. You want anything?” He mumbled, “No.” (That’s how you debate!) As we were walking out, I noticed how clean the bar looked. There was no way we weren’t gonna pass. We hung out at the Novel Cafe drinking coffee and venting. Venting seems to be a common theme with my colleagues and me. It was around 12:30 when Tim and I spoke. As I was telling him that the health inspector hadn’t shown up, there she was walking to her car right in front of us. I flew out of my chair to hear the news.

You know how they say, “No news is good news.”? I understand why. She explained that she found rat droppings in several places. Turns out one of them was where I cleaned. I’m just glad mine wasn’t the only place they were found. She explained that rat and mice shit hardens within an hour and that she found a shiny one. I tried to tell her it was mine, but she was having none of it. I felt bad that an area I cleaned was an offender. But I figure someone should’ve checked my work, right? We were supposed to check every nook and cranny. I didn’t realize the never used floor safe recessed into the ground was either. I can’t say whether we still have rats or not. What I can say is that where she found evidence, the droppings were buried under dust. Who knows? Should there have been a professional cleaning crew hired? Probably. I figure there has to be some former health inspector who knows exactly what they are looking for and all but guarantees you’ll pass. Again, if I ran the universe, everything would work out fine. Each day closed affects not only the bottom line of our business, but my friends’ livelihoods, as well. Our next inspection is tomorrow. The big question is, “Will we open?”

Be Sociable, Share!

•