My First Bris
Actually, it’s my second, if you count my own. Uh, oh. I’ve said too much. Yes, I’m circumcised. I don’t believe I had a bris though. I mean I believe the doctor snipped me, I just don’t think there was a deli-bration afterward. In true form, I arrived half-hour early to find that the valet was set up. Now this is my kind of party. I got inside and greeted Nate, the Dad, who pointed me towards the massive bowl of guacamole. One of the fringe benefits of owning an avocado farm is an endless supply of guacamole. After scooping up several pounds of green fat (that’s the good fat), other guests began to arrive. It was all quite festive and Nate’s Mom has an ideal home for entertaining. I’m gonna skip past the socializing and go straight to the cutting.
The urologist/Moyle introduced the ceremony and gave a few words. There were also test questions like can you do a bris on Yom Kippur? I said, “Perhaps,” while the correct answer is yes. Nate’s Brother, Ben and his wife, Robin, brought out the little pisher and handed him to his Mom, Claudia. Sitting at the table in front of a pillow was Nate’s Grandfather. Once Leo was laid placed on the pillow, it was his Grandfather’s job to hog tie him. As a kid if you move your head while getting a hair cut the worst you could lose is an ear, so holding down lil’ Leo is a big job. Ben served as the anesthesiologist by dipping gauze into a cup of Manischewitz and placing it in Leo’s mouth. Personally, I would want a funnel. The doctor got out his tools and proceeded to circumcise. I would go into detail but I couldn’t see everything that was happening on account that I was in the corner crying. Actually, there was a cover over the child which prevented me from having a bird’s eye view, which in the end was fine with me. Through it all, I ducked into the kitchen to picked at the deli plate. Yes, I am a stress eater. The snipping was done. The crowd shouted, “Mazel Tov.” Leo wailed until the alcohol poisoning and shock sent him into a deep sleep. I continued to eat, had a couple of shots of whiskey, and was on my way.
