Bar Etiquette – HAVE YOUR MONEY READY!
There’s this bumper sticker which reads, “Bartenders: Helping Ugly People Get Laid.” I guess that’s one of the incidental effects of my work. There are many fruits of my labor (depression, violence, alcoholism,) but these can only be achieved if customers work with me. I know this falls on deaf ears, because my three loyal readers would never violate the sacrosanct rules of the bar. As we all know, the business model of the bar is to exchange money for legal/regulated drugs, booze, (and occasionally food, but that’s so more legal/regulated drugs can be consumed.) There are alternate exchanges. For instance, women revealing their areolae can obtain a beverage. But this discussion will be strictly limited to money. When you get to the bar and order a drink(s) and I return with said drink(s), HAVE YOUR MONEY READY! Women, unfortunately, I’m talking to you, because you tend to be the worst violators. Last night a woman ordered her second vodka tonic from me. She knew the price of the cocktail, but it wasn’t until I told her again that she searched through the dark chasm of her purse. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally found her wallet and that’s when she started peeling off singles, only to find that she didn’t have enough. In a busy bar the goal is to serve as many customers as possible. So every time I have to look around for you, yell to get your attention, or wait while you rifle through the black hole which is your bag, fewer people will be served; and, in turn, fewer ugly people will get laid. Now we can’t have that, can we?
